Thursday, 20 March 2014

Streets Ahead: Good 'Ole Boys, Your Goose is Cooked

Streets Ahead is the column from London Walks' Pen David Tucker

“This is a London Particular. A fog Miss” (Charles Dickens). 

That was then. We don’t have fogs in London anymore. Or do we? Aren’t we groping around in a fog of advertising?

No question about it, what caught my eye was that “Goose” is a guide.

Or to get right down to it, the faux folksiness of the thing. Especially the phrasing.

You know: “to guide folks along our walkin’ tour.”

“Walkin’” – Pul-­‐eeeeeze.

Not to mention: “folks” – that thar card gets played twice. And “down in Lynchburg”. And “down in the Hollow”.

Only thing that’s missin’ is a y’all or two. And maybe a back forty.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t doubt that Goose is Goose. And I expect he dresses like that. And talks like he dresses. And is probably a damned good guide.

In the matter of advertising – well, most advertising – I’m a cat. I’m just not swallowing that pill, thank you very much.

Not swallowing it because I don’t want “the feeling” the pill’s designed to give me.

In this case, that Au. Then. Ticity. Glow. No thanks.

Nothing against Jack Daniels. I just don’t like being stitched up. As Keats put it, I don’t like poetry that’s got a palpable design on me.

This cat looks at a big ‘ole Tube poster like that and thinks, gosh, been seeing those Jack Daniels posters on the Tube for years. Wonder how much each one of those postings cost? It won’t come cheap, that’s for sure. And notice, they’re always in the prime position – somewhere near the middle of the platform (rather than at either end). And Jack Daniels is – according to Wiki – the highest selling American whiskey in the world – 11 million cases of Black Label last year. And it’s owned by Forman-­‐Brown, a huge American corporation. Fortune 500 in 2009 ranked them 758 in their 1,000 biggest U.S. corporations league table. 440 million dollars in profit. Eighth in their sector (Beverages). In the same league as Coca Cola in other words.

To say nothing of thousands of employees and “offices and facilities globally”. In 16 European countries, for example. In Beijing and Honkers and Shanghai and Shenzhen in China. Not to mention India, Indonesia, Japan, Singapore, South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam, Australia, Dubai...well, you get the idea.

You’re doin’ all right, Goose, for a good ole boy. You’re just not doin’ this good ole boy.

A London Walk costs £9 – £7 concession. To join a London Walk, simply meet your guide at the designated tube station at the appointed time. Details of all London Walks can be found at

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